Teach your kids that their self-worth is tied to people’s acceptance of them.


If you want to ensure your kids will be on the “The Bachelor”

1. Never show your daughter physical affection.
2. Teach your kids that connections are more important than commitment.
3. Teach your kids there is no consequences for their behavior.
4. Give your kids whatever they want.
5. Teach your kids that their self-worth is tied to people’s acceptance of them.

The last thing you must do if you want to ensure your kids end up on the Bachelor is teach them their self-worth is connected to people’s acceptance of them.

One of the worst parts of this show is when someone is sent home. They show them in the limo crying out of control. They are devastated. It’s a much different thing than when someone is voted off an island or loses at Jeopardy. On the Bachelor, the pain intensely personal. The Bachelor is not saying sorry you didn’t win he is saying “I don’t love you” it hurts like few things do in reality TV and in life for that matter. These women come on the show to find love that has eluded them and has left them feeling privately rejected only to be publicly rejected in front of millions. How do we help our kids build real relationships in a world full of superficial ones?

I never want my kids to go through this how do we prevent this?

The difference between a goal and a new years resolution.

new years resolution vs. goal

Research shows that 80% of people who make a new years resolution will break them. 60% or more don’t even make them because they know they are going to break them. People don’t make resolutions because they feel awful when they break them. People don’t want to feel bad so they avoid the things that make them feel bad. The problem is that if we shoot at nothing we are going to hit it every time. To many people drift in frustration and borderline burnout because they have nothing to tell them that they are making a difference. They have nothing forcing them to get out of bed in the morning. We need a goal. We need something more than a random thought at 12:01 January 1st.

There is a huge difference between a goal and a resolution – A goal is something you keep in front of you every day. A resolution is something you wish could happen to you. The biggest difference between a goal and a resolution is active behavior versus passive behavior.

In our personal lives and in our professional lives we live for the weekend and for vacation because we don’t have personal and professional goals that drive us to produce and that provide us the opportunity to celebrate throughout the year.

In the next few posts I want to talk about goals and what part they play in our personal life and as a team. How do we set them? Why do we set them? What do goals tell us about ourselves and others.

Retro Post: Guerrilla Parenting: Tattling vs. Telling

Chris Spradlin over at EpicParent.tv wrote a great post about Tattling vs. Telling. I love his take in encouraging our kids not to tattle we need to also let them know when to tell.Read it here.

I have had a few parents ask abou the issue of tattling. I thought I would address it in my Guerrilla guide.

At the Luce house you are tattling if you are telling Mom and Dad about something that you haven’t tried to resolve first. In our quest to be fair and keep the peace with our kids we are not teaching our kids to be problem solvers. What we are teaching them to be are whiners.

What does this look like?

Boy #1 is repeating everything boy #2 is saying. Boy #2 is frustrated and he comes and tells mom and dad that Boy #1 won’t stop copying him. Dad says “Did you tell him to stop” Boy #2 “No” – That in our home is tattling.

Boy #1 is repeating everything boy #2 is saying. Boy #2 is frustrated and he comes and tells mom and dad that Boy #1 won’t stop copying him. Dad says “Did you tell him to stop” Boy #2 “Yes and he still won’t stop” – That in our home is telling. Totally permitted. Teaching kids to speak up does two things. It teachings the kid who is frustrated to learn how to create boundaries. It helps the kid who is being annoying that they need to respect others if they are going to achieve anything in life.

We need to give our kids the tools they will need in life and help them be problem solvers. Stepping in and solving conflict FOR your kids helps no one.

How to keep your kids from becoming materialistic.

We live in a very consumer driven culture. We are bombarded by ads constantly. It is no different if not worse for our kids. Marketers have figured out that although parents make the money many times the power of where that money is spent is placed in hands of our children. Children have more say about more things than in any time in history. Kids decide where families are going to eat, shop and vacation. Companies have figured this out so they use their marketing magic to create dissatisfaction with normal in our kids. Are these companies evil and should they be stopped? Maybe but when I see a problem I always think what can I do to affect this situation. For me the problem lies with us as parents and within the sin nature of our children. companies pick up on that and perhaps go to far but the problem is first with us.

Materialism is a hard thing to define but essentially is when you value stuff, more than you treasure Christ. If you have to have something or are upset when someone else has something you don’t, generally you have a problem. The problem isn’t stuff the problem is the condition of your heart and the location of your affections.

How do we help our kids practically avoid this destructive force in their life?

1. Model to your kids what it means to truly treasure Christ above all things. Teach them to give to the church and to those in need by doing so yourself.
2. Get Netflix – What? Netflix really? Disney and Cartoon network are 40% content 60% advertisement. With Netflix you have control over both. You control the content and your kids don’t ever watch commercials. PBS is a great option for free as well.
3. Constantly reinforce relationships over stuff. Every chance I get I reenforce the order of relationships to them. God first than family than others.
4. Help kids understand the difference between a need and a want.
5. Give them a bigger story to be a part of. When kids don’t see a bigger purpose for life they life a very self focused, materialistic life.
6. Get them serving others and in the church at a young age.
7. Do not I repeat Do not give them everything they want. It teaches girls to be manipulative and boys to be lazy.
8. Give kids your time don’t buy them things to temper your guilt for not spending time with your kids.
9. Teach your kids to use things and love people not use people and love things.

Key thoughts from The Gospel Project

Matt Chandler
Theology of the Gospel

The idea that you can grow up in the church and now hear the gospel weighed heavy on my heart.

The Gospel is not a new solution to a problem

Don’t assume people have heard the Gospel and have been transformed by it. –

You have to teach morality within the context of the Gospel or people become self-righteous or beaten down –

“To stray from the gospel & teach the Bible as ‘good moral teachings’ is to rob the Bible of its power.”

“the hero of the story is Christ and His life, death and resurrection.”

The gospel isn’t a moral code to follow, but a call to discipleship that transforms us into holiness.

The connection of Holy living and the gospel – You want something you can’t control. It’s regeneration of hearts. – You have fallen from grace but God made a way in Jesus.

Regeneration frees you up and gives you a heart to delight in the law.

JD Greear –
Gospel and application –

Having to obey the law without a corresponding love for God produces hypocrisy.

When our heart changes our behavior changes.

‘The Gospel isn’t just a diving board to get you into the Christian life. It is the pool itself.’ –

Jesus accepted the woman caught in adultery before he commanded her to sin no more.

God’s acceptance is what frees us from sin

The gospel makes us generous because of Jesus’ generosity to us. He’s the greatest possession.

Sin begins as a worship problem we have to ends with a worship problem.

We need to always be opening people with the Glory of God.

The goal of every sermon is not information but worship. –

Everything we teach has to flow from the Gospel.

The theme of every page of scripture is what Christ has done for us.

“The Bible is not a story about heroes we should emulate, but about a Savior we are to adore.”

Problem w/ most #kidmin Curriculum is that kids come home with a todo list not a understanding worship and grace.

Worship is the fuel of missions.

if we teach only the moralistic passages of scripture, we end up teaching kids that scripture is about them and not God!

The theme on every page of Scripture is “Salvation belongs to God”-

Ed Stetzer
How Gospel Centrality connects to mission

Theology matters but it has to lead us to action.

I never want to preach a message that wouldn’t be true if Jesus didn’t die on the cross.

We must be explicit about the gospel. We need to ground people in the word.  Theology Gospel Mission.

Satan is not threatened by people who want to go deep [into the Gospel], but remain inactive.

The church does not need “knowledge consumers,” but “missional co-laborers.”

We need to be Theologically rich, Gospel Centered and Missional Driven.

Think Grow Know.

Really Gospel community leads to mission.

Is your life lived in response to the gospel? by the power of the gospel? and in the context of community?

How does the passage equip God’s people to live on mission.


Teach kids that these are not isolated fables. A chronological approach helps kids see the whole story.