Advice to young leaders.

5 things every leader

 

One of the reasons I started blogging years ago was to try to be to someone else what I wish someone was to me. There are so many things that I had to learn the hard way. When I started leading in kidmin there weren’t blogs, twitter, or even that many conferences. I learned many things the hard way but not everything because I was fortunate to be hired by one of the best leaders I know. He doesn’t have a blog but he has a legacy that is far-reaching I have learned much from his leadership. I also have also been blessed to work alongside some of the best leaders I have ever met. I love the team I am a part of and much of what I know and who I am is because of their voices and their influence on me.

That being said I want to start a series of posts that address some of the things that apply to all leaders but especially young leaders. The rise of the internet and social media has been an amazing thing but it has its downside as well. I want to do a few posts where I break down some of the traps that young leaders fall into that derail them from being what God wants for them to be and from doing what He wants them to do.

Before I dive into these topics I would like to offer this disclaimer. I am not perfect and have MUCH to learn as a leader. I do however feel that if I can help others avoid the mistakes I and others have made it’s worth my time because it builds the kingdom. So for the next few days, I want to cover the following topics.

1. Listen: The most important skill you can develop is the ability to listen.
2. Experience: Lack of experience is actually a good thing.
3. Ego: The Church does not need brilliant personalities
4. Influence: The worst thing that could happen to you is gaining a platform
5. Gospel: What you believe about Jesus and His Church will decide who you become

The 6 Truths About Multi-site Every Kid’s Pastor Need to Know

2014-03-Mar-Multisite

Let me be frank. Multi-site is not easy and is not for everyone. I have hated it at times and am thankful at other times. One of the things I love about multi-site is it forces you to grow, invest in and pray for more leaders.  Sometimes people will call asking about Multi-site kids ministry I always tell them we have far from figured it out. Here are the other six things I tell them.

1. Two sites will stretch your parents more than you. Three sites plus will stretch you and your staff more than your parents.

2. There is no perfect model. Everyone has a different take. What you need is not a model to follow but clarity from your pastor on his desire and what that looks like in the context of your church.

3. Multi-site is hardest on the kids ministry because of the massive amounts of leaders and infrastructure need to pull off a Sunday. Once your pastor does one location start planning for five.

4. You have to be more sure of your values they need to be more clear and more simple than ever before.

5. You need a point person staff or volunteer who you trust and who understands the churches DNA and understands you and how you work.

6. You need to trust God more than ever because it really is bigger than you. One site you can manage but get to three or four and your God dependence gets greater. A greater dependence on the work of the Holy spirit and our trust in a God who works all things according to the counsel of His will in our kids ministry has been by far the best thing to come out of our multi-site experience.

12 years in and as we start our 5th campus I still have much to learn.

Teach your kids that their self-worth is tied to people’s acceptance of them.

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If you want to ensure your kids will be on the “The Bachelor”

1. Never show your daughter physical affection.
2. Teach your kids that connections are more important than commitment.
3. Teach your kids there is no consequences for their behavior.
4. Give your kids whatever they want.
5. Teach your kids that their self-worth is tied to people’s acceptance of them.

The last thing you must do if you want to ensure your kids end up on the Bachelor is teach them their self-worth is connected to people’s acceptance of them.

One of the worst parts of this show is when someone is sent home. They show them in the limo crying out of control. They are devastated. It’s a much different thing than when someone is voted off an island or loses at Jeopardy. On the Bachelor, the pain intensely personal. The Bachelor is not saying sorry you didn’t win he is saying “I don’t love you” it hurts like few things do in reality TV and in life for that matter. These women come on the show to find love that has eluded them and has left them feeling privately rejected only to be publicly rejected in front of millions. How do we help our kids build real relationships in a world full of superficial ones?

I never want my kids to go through this how do we prevent this?

Give your kids whatever they want.

1100_unspoiling_spoiled_kids

 

If you want to ensure your kids will be on the “The Bachelor”
1. Never show your daughter physical affection.
2. Teach your kids that connections are more important than commitment.
3. Teach your kids there are no consequences for their behavior.
4. Give your kids whatever they want.
5. Teach your kids that their self-worth is tied to people’s acceptance of them.

If you give your kids whatever they want you will teach your boys to be lazy and your girls to be manipulative. I can’t remember where I read it but I will not ever forget it. It’s so true I have seen this played out for years kids that get everything they want rarely turn out how their parents want. Often times it done out of a heart that we want what is best for our kids. We want them to have all the things we did not have growing up.

The efforts of the 20 women trying to capture the affections of one Bachelor was littered with manipulation. They do everything they can to get what they want without concern of who gets hurt. I have two boys and two girls the last thing I want is for my boys to grow up lazy thinking the world owes them something and for my daughters to grow up manipulating their way through life.

Here are some ways you can keep your kids from getting whatever they want.
1. Do not ask them where or what they want to eat.
2. Do give them toys instead teach them to earn money and save money
3. Sometimes tell your kids no when they ask for something when they ask why just tell them because you said so.
4. If your kids want something instead of buying it for them have them pray and ask God to provide for them
5. Teach your kids to be givers, show them how to tithe to their local church. Have them give some of their toys to charity.
6. Teach them please and thank you and to be grateful for anything and everything they are given.

 

Teach your kids there are no consequences for their behavior.

Teenager-boy-and-girl-friends-holding-hands

 

Here is the first post talking about how to ensure your kids will end up on “The Bachelor” 

If you want to ensure your kids will be on the “The Bachelor”
1. Never show your daughter physical affection.
2. Teach your kids that connections are more important than commitment.
3. Teach your kids there is no consequences for their behavior.
4. Give your kids whatever they want.
5. Teach your kids that their self-worth is tied to people’s acceptance of them.

One of the things that stunned me as I watched the Bachelor for the first time was that this show really wasn’t about relationships it was about exploitation of relationships. If you have never watched the Bachelor good for you let me save you the trouble here is how it works. They pick one guy to be “The Bachelor” and then they put 20 girls in the same house. He dates them one by one, and even in groups (awkward)  and tries to get them to fall in love with him. He then sends them home one by one.

The kicker is the whole way through he tells each of them he has a “special connection” with them and then makes out with them. This happens until the final episode where two girls are left thinking they are the one. He tells one girl goodbye and proposes to the other. The girl he says goodbye to feels like the biggest loser on earth and the girl he proposes to feels like it’s a dream come true UNTIL she has to watch an entire season of the guy she is engaged to kiss, flirt, and have “special connections” with every other girl on the show.