As a leader you will have to criticize people from time to time. It’s rarely fun but there is a world of difference between a critical person and someone who has to speak or look at a situation in a critical manor. If you are not willing to be critical you are not ready to lead. Speaking critically is never easy no matter how easy Simon Cowall makes it look.
If you want your team to grow, if you want to reproduce other leaders you can not do it without some hard hitting honest feedback. The delicate balance that always has to be maintained is you need to speak truthfully to help those you lead grow but you have to do it in such a way that it doesn’t crush them. So how do you do this?
How do you criticize others well?
1. You have to start from a place of relationship. The deeper your relationship is with someone the broader based your critique of them can be. The more time you have invested relationally the more authority and opportunity you have to speak critically.
2. Criticism always has to be two things founded in truth and spoken in love. – If your goal isn’t to build the team or grow the person you are talking to, then keep your mouth shut.
3. Make your criticism specific. Nothing hurts worse and helps less then a general, non-specific critique.
4. How do people change when critiqued? Love how Henry Cloud describes how people grow – Truth and grace in the context of relationship over the course of time.
5. Start with yourself – Allow others to critique you. Demonstrate your willingness to allow others to speak the truth in love.
If you want to lead well you need to critique well.
Use the stairs.
I just started watching “Biggest Loser” I know I am late to the party. It reminded me I need to get back to my little blog serise called “A Thin Man’s Guide to Losing Weight”.
*caution rant alert* I have this theory in life that people who are trying to lose weight always ask other people who are also overweight advice on how to lose weight. I in all my years have never been asked advice on how to lose weight. I find this odd. I thought one thing I could do is write a little blog based book on how to lose weight or keep unwanted weight off. *rant over*
So chapter 4: Use the stairs.
One of the things I do fairly often is I try to use the stairs rather than take the elevator. This may sound stupid trivial and strange but I think that doing something small like take the stairs helps to reinforce the fact that diet alone can not solve unhealthful. You must change your lifestyle. I say unhealthiness because you can be unhealthy no matter what shape presently are in. When you are in a unhealthy lifestyle you need to take small steps to see big results. For people who work all the time you need to look at your environment and try to build in activity so you can still do what you need to do for work while focusing on making small healthier choices one “literal” step at a time.
If you are ever given two options take the road less traveled. You will thank me later.
So chapter 4 is rather short but if you take the simple action of getting active when people in our country work so hard to creative innovative ways to facilitate inactivity. We are blessed in this country. We have little go carts in our grocery stores so we can ride instead of walk. Why are people thinner in Europe has less ingenuity, smaller portions, and no all you can eat or drink anything. (They do however smoke like it’s their job over there. I guess every Country has it’s vice, ours happens to be food)
So take it from a thin man if you want to lose weight, use the stairs.
If you need to catch up:
Chapter 2: Just because it’s there you don’t have to eat it.
Another rule I live by that has served me well so far in life is do not eat it just because it’s there.
Scenario – You go to a friends house they bring out a big plate of cookies, everyone has one cookie,fine. There are two cookies left they sit on the plate they taunt you. You feel compelled as either a good guest or a lover of cookies to eat the remaining cookies. DO NOT do this.
Scenario – You go to the movies and get a bucket of popcorn (I’ll address the buying of movie popcorn and candy goodness later) roughly the size of a two year old human. You start eating you family has all reached their limit and have stopped but you paid 25.99 and are going to get your moneys worth. You eat the popcorn just because it’s there. Never do this.
Scenario – Any time you eat at the house of any Italian BEWARE they are skilled in the art of overfeeding their guests. I know I married into a family that are amazing cooks but also try to overfeed every person who walks through their doors.
Say no to food that is extra and above. Eat till you are satisfied and not full.
If food is there taunting you it is not your responsibility. Do not eat it and you will be one step closer to living a thin man’s life.
Chapter 1: NEVER get full.
I think this is one of the foundation blocks to staying thin. I remember the day I uncovered this truth. I was 9 years old. We lived in the midwest. There where these new restaurants that were becoming very popular, we got our first one “The Royal Fork”. A restaurant where you pay one price and can eat as much as you want.
This was an amazing idea for a fourth grader. I can eat as much as I want. And you know what I did? Eat, eat and eat some more. I had Chinese, Italian and most importantly “Desert Bar.”
I was in heaven. I ate and ate and ate. I remember getting up from the table and was feeling a bit strange but the gravity of my decision didn’t hit me till we got into the car. My dad pulled out the packed parking lot of The Royal Fork. I was siting in the back of the car and with every turn my father took I was more of the impact that my decision had created. With every turn my dad made I felt pain in my full belly.
What did I do? I made a foxhole prayer and asked God to help me fell better and if he did I do whatever he asked of me.
And it was through his situation that I learned the art of not getting full. I can literally count on one hand the amount of times I have eaten till I was full.
So to lose weight and keep it off. Stop eating till you are full eat till you are satisfied. When you eat till you are full you train your body to consume more and more quantities of food.
Thin Man’s Guide to Losing weight! Chapter 1: never get full.
This week I thought I would give you the cliff notes, the executive summery on my forthcoming book. “A thin man’s guide to losing weight.” It is still the first part of the year and diet commercials are in full swing. I guess it’s not to late. I will every so often give you the rundown on a chapter of my book.
Hope you like it.