As a leader you will have to criticize people from time to time. It’s rarely fun but there is a world of difference between a critical person and someone who has to speak or look at a situation in a critical manor. If you are not willing to be critical you are not ready to lead. Speaking critically is never easy no matter how easy Simon Cowall makes it look.
If you want your team to grow, if you want to reproduce other leaders you can not do it without some hard hitting honest feedback. The delicate balance that always has to be maintained is you need to speak truthfully to help those you lead grow but you have to do it in such a way that it doesn’t crush them. So how do you do this?
How do you criticize others well?
1. You have to start from a place of relationship. The deeper your relationship is with someone the broader based your critique of them can be. The more time you have invested relationally the more authority and opportunity you have to speak critically.
2. Criticism always has to be two things founded in truth and spoken in love. – If your goal isn’t to build the team or grow the person you are talking to, then keep your mouth shut.
3. Make your criticism specific. Nothing hurts worse and helps less then a general, non-specific critique.
4. How do people change when critiqued? Love how Henry Cloud describes how people grow – Truth and grace in the context of relationship over the course of time.
5. Start with yourself – Allow others to critique you. Demonstrate your willingness to allow others to speak the truth in love.
If you want to lead well you need to critique well.
2 comments On How to criticize others well.
Very good. I am reading the book “Crucial Conversations: tools for talking when the stakes are high,” which is an AWESOME book- all children’s pastors (leaders, and, well, anyone who is around people) should read it. It talks about having the hard conversations really well- and the truth is, most people don’t do this well. They don’t take criticism well, and they don’t give it well. If we can develop the skills to do those things really well, then we can maximize our impact and leadership.
So good. Thanks for writing this