If you give your kids whatever they want you will teach your boys to be lazy and your girls to be manipulative. I can’t remember where I read it but I will not ever forget it. It’s so true I have seen this played out for years kids that get everything they want rarely turn out how their parents want. Often times it done out of a heart that we want what is best for our kids. We want them to have all the things we did not have growing up.
The efforts of the 20 women trying to capture the affections of one Bachelor was littered with manipulation. They do everything they can to get what they want without concern of who gets hurt. I have two boys and two girls the last thing I want is for my boys to grow up lazy thinking the world owes them something and for my daughters to grow up manipulating their way through life.
Here are some ways you can keep your kids from getting whatever they want.
1. Do not ask them where or what they want to eat.
2. Do give them toys instead teach them to earn money and save money
3. Sometimes tell your kids no when they ask for something when they ask why just tell them because you said so.
4. If your kids want something instead of buying it for them have them pray and ask God to provide for them
5. Teach your kids to be givers, show them how to tithe to their local church. Have them give some of their toys to charity.
6. Teach them please and thank you and to be grateful for anything and everything they are given.
One of the things that stunned me as I watched the Bachelor for the first time was that this show really wasn’t about relationships it was about exploitation of relationships. If you have never watched the Bachelor good for you let me save you the trouble here is how it works. They pick one guy to be “The Bachelor” and then they put 20 girls in the same house. He dates them one by one, and even in groups (awkward) and tries to get them to fall in love with him. He then sends them home one by one.
The kicker is the whole way through he tells each of them he has a “special connection” with them and then makes out with them. This happens until the final episode where two girls are left thinking they are the one. He tells one girl goodbye and proposes to the other. The girl he says goodbye to feels like the biggest loser on earth and the girl he proposes to feels like it’s a dream come true UNTIL she has to watch an entire season of the guy she is engaged to kiss, flirt, and have “special connections” with every other girl on the show.
Like it or not the digital age is here to stay. As parents we are immigrants to this digital world that our kids are natives of. Despite its many benefits all the digital devices our kids are connected to require more from us as parents. So any time a tool comes along that makes monitoring what are kids are doing digitally I am for it. With the rise of Android, iPod, iPhones and tablet devices knowing what apps our kids are downloading would be nice.
At AppCertain, they are passionate about computer security and motivated to discovering what behavior apps show. They are dedicated to helping us as parents understand and trust our family’s mobile devices by providing a window into the behavior of mobile apps. Recent advances in the business world have given companies greater insight into their employees’ mobile devices, and they believe we parents deserve a similar insight with respect to our families.
Research shows that 80% of people who make a new years resolution will break them. 60% or more don’t even make them because they know they are going to break them. People don’t make resolutions because they feel awful when they break them. People don’t want to feel bad so they avoid the things that make them feel bad. The problem is that if we shoot at nothing we are going to hit it every time. To many people drift in frustration and borderline burnout because they have nothing to tell them that they are making a difference. They have nothing forcing them to get out of bed in the morning. We need a goal. We need something more than a random thought at 12:01 January 1st.
There is a huge difference between a goal and a resolution – A goal is something you keep in front of you every day. A resolution is something you wish could happen to you. The biggest difference between a goal and a resolution is active behavior versus passive behavior.
In our personal lives and in our professional lives we live for the weekend and for vacation because we don’t have personal and professional goals that drive us to produce and that provide us the opportunity to celebrate throughout the year.
In the next few posts I want to talk about goals and what part they play in our personal life and as a team. How do we set them? Why do we set them? What do goals tell us about ourselves and others.
We all do it. We build silo’s because we like the comfort, recognition, and ego boost our department or team you lead provides. We keep people loyal to us through our unintentional comments that make other leaders and other departments less desirable. When we don’t understand the value of the team and the goal we are trying to reach we will ALWAYS resort to silo behavior. We will retreat to our departments and dig in and make it us versus them. That’s not how any team should play especially not the church.
I have been reading Patrick Lencioni’s new book “The Advantage”. Lencioni begins to describe healthy teams and the qualities that comprise them. As a leader I am more collaborative and I want everyone on the team to function as a team. It wasn’t until Lencioni started talking about team dynamics that I realized that I have a long way to go. To be a true team you have to ask other departments hard questions and volunteer to help out in any part of the business that is struggling. I learned this behavior as a kids pastor. Due to the massive workload kids ministry provides, and the fact that few people on staff see or understand kids ministry. It sets you up to be a silo. You dig in and get it done.
I never realized I had silo tendencies until last week at our staff meeting when questioned by another staff member why I don’t share ideas with other campus pastors. I told him that isn’t my job. My job is to lead my campus not all our campuses. The next day I was reading “The Advantage” here is what Lencioni says about Team Number One.
The only way for a leader to establish this collective mentality on a team is by ensuring that all team members place a higher priority on the team they are a member of rather than the team they lead. A good way to go about this is to ask which team is their higher priority. I find that most executives will admit that in spite of their commitment to the team they are a member of, the team they lead is their first priority…..They enjoy being the leader of that team, moreover they feel a sense of loyalty to the team they lead, those people want and need their protection. This is absolutely natural, common and understandable and dangerous. When members of a leadership team feel a sense of commitment and loyalty to the team they lead than the one they are a member of then the team they are a member of becomes like the US Congress or United Nations it’s just a place where people come together to lobby for their constituents. Teams that lead healthy organizations reject this model.
Leaders must put the needs of the higher team (the team they are a member of) above the needs of their departments.