If you want to ensure your kids will be on the “The Bachelor”
1. Never show your daughter physical affection.
2. Teach your kids that connections are more important than commitment.
3. Teach your kids there is no consequences for their behavior.
4. Give your kids whatever they want.
5. Teach your kids that their self-worth is tied to people’s acceptance of them.
One of the things that stunned me as I watched the Bachelor for the first time was that this show really wasn’t about relationships it was about exploitation of relationships. If you have never watched the Bachelor good for you let me save you the trouble here is how it works. They pick one guy to be “The Bachelor” and then they put 20 girls in the same house. He dates them one by one, and even in groups (awkward) and tries to get them to fall in love with him. He then sends them home one by one.
The kicker is the whole way through he tells each of them he has a “special connection” with them and then makes out with them. This happens until the final episode where two girls are left thinking they are the one. He tells one girl goodbye and proposes to the other. The girl he says goodbye to feels like the biggest loser on earth and the girl he proposes to feels like it’s a dream come true UNTIL she has to watch an entire season of the guy she is engaged to kiss, flirt, and have “special connections” with every other girl on the show.
Actions have consequences and the result of those actions on the show is disastrous in real life. These poor people are looking for love but in all the wrong places. Why? Because no one taught them that what they do has repercussions. We all want to be part of a fairytale. We want to live happily ever after. We try so hard to create make our dreams come true most often at the expense of others. What is so amazing about the gospel is it is a true fairytale it is the only way for your life to be happily ever after. When you understand that you are loved beyond what you deserve it frees you to love others and at the same time be free from the crushing need of acceptance because you are already accepted by the person who loves you most. The Bachelor really shows you the end result of the “If it feels good do it” mentality. We need to teach our kids to borrow pain from their future to help them make wise choices today. If you want your kids to look in the right places teach your kids that actions matter.
Here is what I’m teaching my kids so this never happens to them
1. Make lots of friends with the opposite sex
2. Do not intentionally lead someone on
3. Don’t exclusively date people at a young age
4. Treat all guys/girls with the same amount of respect you would someone you like
5. Don’t kiss a girl/guy till you know them really well – physical contact dramatically diminishes verbal engagement. My youth pastor told me in high school – When you kiss a girl and don’t marry her you are kissing another man’s wife.
6. Don’t say things that are not true, don’t say things too soon. (Like I love you on your second date)
7. Borrow pain from your future – Think through how the things that will “feel good” today will look 10 years from now – I remember watching a movie and a boy was taking this father’s daughter out on her first date when the boy came to the door the father said “Hey everything you do to her I’m going to do to you” I laughed so hard, I thought I’m using that line when my daughter is old enough to date. Statements like that will keep a 16-year-old hormonal boy up at night. We need more fathers like that. When my wife and I were dating I told her that if we ever crossed a line physically we would have to tell her father. Both knowing that was the case kept us from doing something stupid we would later regret. Teach your kids to borrow pain from the future. It will help them be wise in the present.