When I was new to children’s ministry, one of the most challenging things for me to deal with was kids who misbehaved. I so wanted difficult kids, all kids actually, to like me, and parents to think well of me. I avoided hard conversations with kids and parents. What I have come to realize is that by avoiding those hard conversations, I was not partnering with parents, and I wasn’t acting lovingly towards their children. Over time I learned you could be fun and firm.
Before we talk about correcting kids, there are a few things you need to remember about most parents.
- They love their kids
- They want their kids to do well in life
- They need help and don’t know how to ask
When we talk about disciplining kids is not primarily about managing your classroom; it is about disciplining families. What we are called as the church to do is not turn undisciplined kids into pillars of moral virtue. We are called to preach the gospel and make disciples. In the radically individualized culture we live in, we are so often seduced by the idea that we can grow in our faith and into Christ. The scriptures tell us that sanctification doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It occurs in the community.
Blogger and author Tim Challies says it this way:
I need to grow in holiness not just for my own sake but out of love and concern for those around me. If I love the people in my church, I will grow in holiness for their sake. I am prone to think that holiness is an individual pursuit, but when I see sanctification as a community project, now it is more of a team pursuit. I am growing in holiness so that I can help others grow in holiness, I am putting sin to death so I can help others put sin to death. My church needs me and I need my church, and this is exactly how God has designed it.Tim Challies
We can not have a personal relationship with Jesus apart from the context of the community God provided and Christ inaugurated. Disciplining children is gospel work.
There are a few different types of kids workers; most people fall into one or more of these categories.
- Freddy Fun – You want to play games and have a good time, and your solution to most discipline problems is fun, games, and prizes. (This was me.)
- Debbie Doormat – You let kids walk all over you because you don’t want to be harsh or unloving.
- Ned the Nonconfronter – Ned lets kids get away with everything because he is afraid of kids not liking him and parents getting mad at him.
Is there help for these three? Yes, there is.
Classroom management starts during the week with your prep. You can’t manage your classroom and try and prep at the same time. You need to prep during the week so you know what you are doing and so you are free to deal with issues as they arise. Freddy fun – you can’t truly be fun unless you prepare truth to make that fun have meaning. You can’t be fun over time without taking the time to grow in your abilities. Do you want kids to sit and pay attention? Prepare during the week so you have something to say during the weekend. This should only take 20 to 30 minutes.
Understand Grace and Understand Work
Something easy to forget when working with kids is not that they need grace; that is quickly apparent. What is easy to forget is we need grace and have received it in Christ. When we remember we have received mercy, we are much more likely to give it to others. You also need to know that what we are doing is not easy, but it is meaningful and so relevant. That as you work, it is Christ who works with you, for you, and in you.
How do you Correct Kids in Light of Discipleship
How do we correct kids in Uptown? 1. Warn 2. Redirect 3. Warn 4. Remove. The only exception to this would be if physical with leaders or kids. If this happens, they are to be removed instantly. Make sure that once kids are removed, you affirm them and thank them for coming this week and tell them that you can’t wait to see them next week!
When removing a child from the classroom, I find getting the parents to come to the classroom is much more effective than bringing the child to the parents for several reasons.
- When you get the parents (or page them) and bring them to the kids, you can explain what happened. When you bring the kids to the parents, you lose this opportunity to talk with the parents and explain what we do and why.
- I find when parents are communicated to, they understand and are more willing partners in the discipleship of their kids.
- Parents having to leave the service to deal with their kids makes them more focused and more intent on not having to do that again.
- Follow up with a conversation next week, an email, or a phone call. Make sure parents know that our desire is not to punish their child but to make their child more like Christ.
- If a situation is beyond you, make sure you contact the kid’s pastor or ministry leader to deal with the issue.
Bottom line: The goal of managing a classroom is not to have well-behaved kids but rather to conform our kids into the image of Christ. We want disciples, not just good citizens.