What has lead me to think, talk and now blog about grief. Well one year ago this week one of the kids from our children’s church died suddenly from the flu. It was incredibly tragic. I still remember walking into the hospital totally unprepared for how much my life was going to be effected.
I have been to many wakes and even recently my Grandfathers funeral. But this was in a completely different league. I walked in and the young boy had just passed away. It was one of the hardest if not hardest things for me personally. I can’t tell you why I was so profoundly effected. Even today as I write this post I am very emotional.
What made this death so disturbing was that he was a healthy boy, who had a great family who loved him cared for him. He was only 5 years old and his parents did EVERYTHING a parent could, would and should do. But he still died. What made this so difficult to deal with is that none of my built in pat answers fit, “he lived a long good life”, “he is out of his suffering now”. I had no way to tell myself there was a reason in all of this. Which lead me to ask over and over Why God. If you can do anything Why?
It has been a rough year. I have asked many hard questions of myself and others. I have been asked many questions I don’t know the answers to and don’t think I ever will. I have even doubted at times God’s ability to be greater than my doubt, circumstances, and fears. But in my doubt I believe that God is building an even greater faith. A faith based on position more than condition.