Retro Post: The Children’s Pastor score card

My friend and fellow blogger Kenny has been doing a great series about the getting a job in children’s ministry and sharing a bit of his journey. I interned as a youth pastor and thought I was hired to be a youth pastor but due to semantics and devine providence I became a children’s pastor through a  less than traditional path. I thought what might have helped me and may help you is a score card to know if your are called to kids ministry. It is pretty simple really the higher you score the more likely you are ment to work with kids. There are a few ministry score cards out there. The most famous being the Metrosexual Worship leader. I thought that children’s ministry deserved one.

The Children’s Pastor Scorecard.

You have bought your body weight in candy at wal-mart = +2 points

You can name more than two makers of glue sticks = +3 points

You find puppets disturbing = -2 points

Part of the interview process you ask if the church has a choir = +1 point

You can juggle = +1 point

You can juggle on a unicycle = +3 points

You wear a scarf with a tee-shirt = -3 points

You know what american apparel is = -1 point

You can recuit volunteers and do prison ministry at the same time = +2 points

You watch cartoons for fun = +1 point

You have a gotee = -2 points

You call church “big church” = +2 points

Two weeks before VBS people avoid you (no seriously they see you and walk on the other side of road) = +3 points

You know any lyrics from any Fergie song = -4 points

You know all the lyrics from the pirates who don’t do anything = + 4 points

You have ever wore a Bob the Tomato tee-shirt in public = +2 points

You use product = -3 points

You have no idea what “product” is = +3 points

You can turn any object around you into a lesson with a biblical basis = +5 points

You have ever seen an episode of the “Jersey Shore” = -3 points

You have ever used a video clip from “Jersey Shore” to set up your bible story = -6 points

You have ever said “Lets say the verse so loud they hear you in Big church” = +1 point

You print money with Jesus’ face on it and don’t think twice about it = +2 points

You want to put your fist through someones face when they say “They are just kids” = +4 points

You blame the youth group for anything that goes wrong at church = +2 points

You own a pair of designer jeans = -2 points

You own a pair of girl’s designer jeans = -10 points

You have more kids music than adult music on your iPod = +1 point

You have stayed at the church cleaning up after a Halloween alternative till 3:30am = +2 points

You think finnis and ferb are Greek gods = -2 points

When you hear the orange you think of fruit = -3 points

You can keep 140 kids entertained for and hour with a piece of felt, a picture of Jesus and a rock = +4 points

When talking to adults in “big church” you refer to them as boys and girls = +3 points

You have ever received a pie in the face = +1 point

You can turn any piece of cloth into an impromptu puppet = +2 points

You work full time at a secular job so that you can do what you are passionate about, teach the next generation that God loves them and has a plan for them = +50 points

You are just being the kids pastor to get experience so you can one day be a youth pastor  = -50 points

You can name all the characters on Yo Gabba Gabba = +3 points

You just said Yo whaty what? = -3 points

You have seen Phil Vischer at a conference and tell him who your favorite talking vegetable is and why = +4 points

You had no idea vegetables could talk = -4 points

You have built something using PVC pipes = +1 point

You dry heave at the sight or mention of “goldfish crackers” = +2 points

You have been known to wear fanny packs on mission trips. = +2 points

You have visited Disney world more than 5 times = +2 points

You tweet the hashtag #kidmin more than Perry Noble tweets about food =  +3 points

You eat coco crispies for breakfast = +1 point

You eat cold pizza for breakfast = -1 point

You have ever worn a pair of sunglasses indoors ever = -4 points

You think ultimate frisbee is awesome = -2 points

You think can remember the last 5 years worth of VBS themes from group but don’t know who won the superbowl = +10 points

You think let people volunteer based on their vibe and think background checks are over the top = -20 points

You have ever had to coax a kid out of the churches indoor playground using food = +3 points

You get an instant migrane when your phone rings before church = +1 point

You own a marshmallow gun, tee-shirt canon or fog machine = +3 points each

You can do at least three different voices on command = +3 points

Have ever dreamed of switching places with the speaker in “big church” and going 20 minutes longer because you had one last good story = +5 points

Can turn a snack into a craft and explain the resurrection of christ to a 2 year old  all in 10 minutes. = +3 points

When the guest speaker asks when he is suppose to finish and you yell something other than “right now” = -5 points

You have used the letter Z instead of the letter S in the past 2 years = +4 points

You thing it’s weird that youth pastors are so fixated on the letter X. = +4 points

If you have ever felt the pressure that your kids have to be perfect because you are a “kid professional” = +5 points

If you remember Kidology’s logo before it was a lightbulb = +1 point

If you don’t know what Kidology is because you think you might have skipped that class in school = -3 points

If you have ever told a bible story to a group of kids with a Starbucks in your hand = -2 points

If stuck on an deserted island even though you lack the skills to survive more than 3 days within 1 hour you have 2 crafts, 3 object lessons and 4 bible stories using just 1 coconut. = +5 points

If you have ever taken a job because the pastor hired you to work with “youth” and you thought he ment teens so you move 3,ooo miles to find out when he means teens he says “young people” = +100 points

Add up your score.

0-25 You are not a kids pastor you are a youth pastor who received this link from your kids pastor.

25-50 You are a summer intern who is working with kids because you think it will help you score points with the ladies. Well your cover is blown. You have two choices grow a gotee and work with “young people” or buy a pair of women’s designer jeans and a scarf and start leading worship.

50-100 You are starting to learn the ropes you still tell people that you are a youth pastor. You haven’t fully embarrassed the christian sub-sub culture that is children’s ministry. You have one foot in kids ministry and one in youth ministry. You could go either way.

100+ – You are a die hard veteran, you live and breath all things kidmin. When you cut you bleed marshmallow. You can name every character on ever veggie tales movie. You are crazy enough to  think that the future of the church is located in the basement of the church. That the future of the church depends on the church learning to equip, train, lead and inspire a generation of kids.