Chris Spradlin over at EpicParent.tv wrote a great post about Tattling vs. Telling. I love his take in encouraging our kids not to tattle we need to also let them know when to tell. Read it here.
I have had a few parents ask abou the issue of tattling. I thought I would address it in my Guerrilla guide.
At the Luce house you are tattling if you are telling Mom and Dad about something that you haven’t tried to resolve first. In our quest to be fair and keep the peace with our kids we are not teaching our kids to be problem solvers. What we are teaching them to be are whiners.
What does this look like?
Boy #1 is repeating everything boy #2 is saying. Boy #2 is frustrated and he comes and tells mom and dad that Boy #1 won’t stop copying him. Dad says “Did you tell him to stop” Boy #2 “No” – That in our home is tattling.
Boy #1 is repeating everything boy #2 is saying. Boy #2 is frustrated and he comes and tells mom and dad that Boy #1 won’t stop copying him. Dad says “Did you tell him to stop” Boy #2 “Yes and he still won’t stop” – That in our home is telling. Totally permitted. Teaching kids to speak up does two things. It teachings the kid who is frustrated to learn how to create boundaries. It helps the kid who is being annoying that they need to respect others if they are going to achieve anything in life.
We need to give our kids the tools they will need in life and help them be problem solvers. Stepping in and solving conflict FOR your kids helps no one.
Guerrilla concept #1 – Talk to your kids through play.
I have heard lots of parents say that their kids don’t talk to them. I am still figuring this out myself but I often find my kids talk to me when I understand how they communicate and when I understand where they communicate.
The other day I was playing with my youngest and he started acting out a situation where another kid was mean to him. Because we were playing he was totally honest and totally open. He told me the whole situation he was facing through a 2 inch lego Luke Skywalker. There is something about playing kids totally throw themselves into it they lose themselves in this imaginary world they create for themselves. Playing legos or the toy of your childs choice is on the quickest ways to find out what is going on in their world.
Another time in our house where the communication flows is right before bedtime. I am not sure why this is the case, my theory is they are trying to stall because they don’t want to go to sleep so they will do what ever they can to stall. Whatever the reason we have had some amazing conversations right before our kids drift off to sleep. Some of them deep and profound others fun and just plain hilarious.
The main problem with parent/child communication is parents not knowing when and where their kids open up. When we get in parent mode we just want to get the info we need so we force kids to communicate in a way that fits our time and space. Do we need to do this sometimes absolutely. Should this be the only way we communicate with our kids. No.
So do yourself a favor play with your kids and put them to bed 20 minutes early so you have time to talk. Go Guerrilla your kids deserve it.
So what is guerrilla parenting? It’s parenting that relies on time, energy and imagination. As our world changes we need to think of creative, unique ways to engage our kids.
I want to talk over a few posts or who knows maybe more about how we can engage in guerrilla parenting. What are some nontraditional ways to connect to our kids create a lifelong bond that will change their life and help them to become everything God God wants them to be.
How when we do the simple, small often cheap things with our kids it makes all the difference. Disney vacations are nice but when kids move away from home the things they remember most are the boring everyday memories.
Influence in my mind is measured not by how great people think you are but how you can leverage those feelings of goodwill to help others.
I know that I am not the most influential blogger in children’s ministry and being included in the original field of 60 and still be here with the remaining four is humbling to say the least. What I want to do with my final four position is to use whatever influance I have to help a friend of mine win this competition.
Kenny had this idea. What if we combined our influence and help push a Blog that may not be as established but is equally deserving. What if we focused our energy to help one of our friends achieve something he may or may not have been able to achieve on his own.
If you have voted for me in previous rounds thank you so much. I ask you to vote again but this time for my friend Jared. He is a stand up guy who is a bi-vocational kidmin (meaning he has a full time job and is a kids pastor, father, husband). I had the opportunity to interview him for my podcast, my takeaway. Jared is a great guy. I have a ton of respect for people who work a full time job and do kids ministry full time. I grew up in a home where my dad was a full time pastor and worked full time most of my life. It’s not easy and on Sundays like today when I am wiped out from a full and crazy sunday, I remember how blessed I am to be able to do what I do and focus on it all week.
Would I love an iPad2? Heck yes! I am I more excited to be apart of something bigger than iPad? Absolutely.
So do me a favor head over right now and vote for Jared Massey (Small Town Kidmin)
I had the privilege of writing a guest post for Chris Sprad over at Epicparent.tv. Sprad is a great guy love his heart and I love his raw honest take on parenting. His site is a breath of fresh parenting air. I love it. If you are a parent or a pastor you need to check out his site. Love his stuff on talking to your kids about sex. Love his humor and honesty.
I wrote an article for him talking about how we as parents need to make sure that we don’t give our kids to much freedom when they are young. How we we can’t try to be our children’s friends when they are young they need the security of clarity they don’t need a buddy.
Anyway check out my post and Chris’s site.