How do you do that? The only way I know is by spending large amounts of time with your kids. I don’t like like to get in the middle of the quality vs. quantity debate because I can’t pick a side. I think kids need large amounts of focused time. I have to admit between my workload, iPhone, and other mac products this can be a challange. I am working on being fully present with my family.
Time will tell you lots of things about your kids some of those things are good others are not so good. When you know your kids strengths and weaknesses you are better equipped as a parent to help them navigate life while under your roof. You will know what to say no to what to say yes to what pray for. One of the things I am grateful for is parents that taught me this principle. When you understand you kids personality you know when their emotional tanks are low when they need praise when they need correcting. The only way to know this is by spending lots of time with your kids.
When you know what your kids are facing you can prepare them before a situation comes. For example you know that your kids are shy you can help them by teaching them to look out for other kids who are new. You can teach them how to be friendly when they are in a new place. You can teach them what God’s word says about showing your self friendly.
Practical things you can do to discover your kids strengths.
1. When your kids are playing eves drop. Listen in on what they are saying to each other
2. When friends are over have them play in the living room rather than the bedroom
3. Pray for God to give you discernment.
4. Tell your kids stories where you made mistakes and where you were victorious (take it from me your kids will love the stories of you failing much more)
5. Show them how to overcome weaknesses and fear based on what the bible says
6. Set them up to win. Put them in a place to put your advice to use and then verbally praise them when they do it.
7. Ask adults you know and trust to tell you what weaknesses and strengths they see in your kids, their outside perspective can be invaluable.
Great stuff Sam, another practical tip that my mom and dad always suggests is to be the neighborhood chauffeur. Parents will be amazed at what their children say to their friends on the way to soccer. They say it as if there is an invisible shield between them and the front seat. When you're the parent that always drives, you'll learn all kinds of things about you child and their friends.
Owned by God,
~ Joe
I'll jump into the debate because the idea that "quality time" is a sufficient replacement for "quantity time" grates at me. I don't believe quality time can be manufactured by a parent to make up for a lack of quantity time. The significant events in a child's life oftentimes don't happen on our schedule as a parent. In order to make sure that we don't miss them, we have to spend lots of time with them. How often have you had a significant life conversation with your child in the middle, or at the end, of what otherwise would be considered just fun time? You can have a great and impactful conversation with your child in the car when you are running around on a Saturday doing chores that never would have happened if you didn't make the intentional choice to spend some quantity time together. Finally, I don't believe that notion that kids will feel free to open up to you and share their lives with you if you only spend 30 minutes a week with them. It takes time to build that kind of relationship. Yes, it does take quality time, but it also take quantity time! That's my two cents!